I should love her more than you. I know she doesn't need me like she needs you though. It's so hard for me to keep from , texting, or e-mail. I just want to you, and kiss you so hard you remember why we fell in love. Then everything would work out. Then I start thinking how you never want that to happen. It makes me want to hurt myself again. Honestly, the only thing that's kept me from it is the fact that it wouldn't be fair to you or her.
I've been hurt so much be people that said they loved me, I guess it's what I expect. Therapist can't really help. I'm to be totally honest anyway. The last person I was totally honest with used it against me, and it hurt. I think I've endured enough. You should let us all be happy together now. I can't change shit I have done. I'm embarrassed and about a bunch of it. You will never be a mistake to me though.
I don't care what anyone says. You're not a normal person. I know deep down you understand. I'm not going to lie, or say something not true to try and get you back. I'm not going to try and get her back to force you to want me again. It upsets me so much when people tell me that's why you walked away without looking back. I gave you everything you wanted, and had nothing left needed or wanted. That's so fucked that people think my love for you is worthless.
I'm trying to maintain and keep my shit together. Sometimes I wonder if I'll be able to, or if it's worth it. I just want to be able to hold you, kiss you, talk to you, feel you again.
I just want you. I feel bad for loving you and needing you more than her, but it's different. My love for you is the reason she is here. They go hand in hand. I can never let that go. Does loving you really make me crazy, or a bad person?
I did the shit I did, because I'm dumb. I never had true, real love, so it me. I didn't lime being vulnerable, so I fucked it up. Now I regret it. Sometimes so much I can only see one way out. It's not your fault though.
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