It's the same with people who say, "they can't live without their cell phones". Yeah, they did just fine before cellphones became widely used. It's an act that really, is only needed to make a baby! Completely and utter hog wash to compare sexual needs to food and water. If we are to completely blame culture, I think this says little about the ability of women to make their own choices. Love and sex are completely different things.
Women make you pay for all sex Women need to feel comfortable, desired, and safe After all, we're just animals, right?
Why exercise discretion if anything goes, and there are no sound reasons for monogamy? Directly asking women for sexual consent is punished more severely than most cases of date rape. Women want everything both ways. Women need to be physically protected and made to feel emotionally safe.
They may want a perfect stranger to throw them around every now and again, but they still want to manipulated into it with social ritual. In any case, even though nearly all sexual relationships begin with zero commitment, it's never no strings for either party.
Disease, pregnancy, emotional distress, and financial liability are real consequences. Being cavalier about sex is fine It's the basis of all culture and religion, going all the way back to the Sumerians. If women want casual sex, all they need do is ask She may feel was a subconscious duty of providing pleasure to men. Almost as if it is a gift for the deserving.
If one possesses a gift to make others happy, why wouldn't one share it? If look deeply into why some are given this gift and we strive to find why, we come to the truth. Women a given good looks to attract men. Since the beginning of time, we are put on this earth to procreate.
No matter what things modern man comes up with to distract us, ie: I believe that a mental disorder may have led her to have all the abortions after she realized her ideal suitor did not FIT into her model of a husband or Father.
A compulsive disorder might have led her to feel the need to do this all the time, when the precursor was only to provide pleasure and happiness to men. There's a lot more deepness to human life than merely 'procreating'. We weren't put on this earth just to 'procreate', and I can tell you not all of us contain this 'subconscious want' you describe. Not everyone is crazy about 'looks', not everyone wants to have coitus with everyone they meet. There are many people who have a desire that is beyond this physical plane.
I am fairly sure that you are simplifying things that don't need to be diagnosed as abnormal or normal, that there is no pathology to it, other than possible pregnancy and STD's that a person might get. It is also true that our society is changing from a male dominated society to a female dominated one even though she still doesn't get paid as much as the he.
Then there is the issue of how does Gay fit into this? I don't think that any thing that you have said in the article that I read was really going to be helpful to anyone that might need to be helped, although what is great about psychology today as a magazine is it is more often than not self help, by that I mean easily read by the common population. When it is based on stereotypes and bias though that isn't helpful, is it? Small mindedness kept the world flat forever, not sure it is perfectly round, but the thing is we know that it is at least oval in nature, if not completely round.
Stop trying to box things in and being so narrowminded and get to what hurts and why and that would often times be much better, I think. Either way, I'm having a hard time figuring out what part of it is relevant. I'm sure there are some good blogs going on over at the DOL regarding wages. I have no dog in this fight. It is also true that our society is changing from a male dominated society to a female dominated one. A reimagined monastery and a converted church are just two of the nightspot highlights available in Aberdeen.
I have recently become quite obsessed with the issue of promiscuity in todays western world. It comes from my own experience and self image issues on this delicate subject area. Preference for frequent sexual contacts is not necessarily the same as being sexually indiscriminating'.
This sums up my own self interest and opinion of my own experience. I am having an internal battle in deciding whether I am inherently promiscuous or that I just have had a preference for frequent sexual partners. I can think of times in the past late teenage years where I wasn't as choosy as now. So perhaps I was before, but am not now? I am 26 and number is 32 and according to some on the internet, this makes me promiscuous and not marriage material.
It is delicate when its come from self interest, but I am discovering that my interest in this is becoming more encompassing and even when I do decide or become comfortable or resolve issues with my own sexuality I'll probably still be very intrigued. Any more papers or books that you could recommend on this subject would be gratefully received. I shall add that I am in therapy myself. I started going for depression and have mentioned this a few times to my therapist I've had more than one.
So far I have not been able to delve deep into it. My new shrink almost dismissed my opinions about the reasons why I am promiscuous? Perhaps she did not see this as top priority, we'll see what happens, but I have started to form my own self awareness about my reasons. If you want to know the truth, 32 is a really high number and most guys I have ever spoken to about the subject would consider that a deal breaker.
I suppose there is no turning back clocks, but I would try to figure out why you engaged in such behavior and use it to understand yourself much in the way an alcoholic or drug addict uses their recovery to understand more about themselves as a human being.
Sometimes the strongest people are the ones who had to grow and learn from the greatest hardships. Hmmm I think your comments are nice but funny and it makes me wonder how old you are and I am thinking very young. When someone loves a person, they past is irrelevant and you better believe it that person would make excuses and defend that person to the end. One of the things I recognise is that once you look decent men go with that some of the most promiscuious women look very virginal.
Most women know better to tell their husband or prospective husband how many men they slept with and I think most husband would be shocked at the actual number, this world is not made up of what you have done but on who knows. As for the lady with the 30 something sexual partners, find a therapist and tell that therapist what is bother you and if you sexual behaviour is an issue for you let the therapist know that what you want to talk about.
The number of men you slept with is irrelevant, the why is what matters here. One small example would be crying Acceptable for women over many small things, not acceptable for men.. I doubt many women would be attracted to guys who cried almost daily over any small thing. I have found that the most insecure women are the most sexual. Making a guy orgasm seems to be a quick fix for their insecurities.
I have NEVER met a secure, balanced, confident woman who could just have sex, get up, leave, and feel happy never seeing the person again. I am not entirely sure who your comment is directed at? I have since moved on with my feelings in this area. If a perspective man wants to know my number for a valid reason and not for abuse or manipulation then I am I not going to lie to him. I do not want to lie. My sexual history is an integral part of my past and has been part of my personal development.
It has helped me work out issues that I have had with boundaries, as the 'anonymous' person said, the strongest people are the ones who've been through unsavoury things and come out the other side. I do not think it is likely that he will ask me. I don't care about the amount he has had. Because people can and do change.
If having such a number of sexual partners means I'm more likely cheat or be bad wife material, not much I can do but prove them wrong? I have had done plenty of self reflection about why I felt the need to sleep with this number. Feeling addicted to sex? At the age of 26 I am now well aware of my baggage and have bought metaphorically some good quality luggage to carry it all in. Because really, it will be there in the future.
I will be spending the next few years looking for a potential husband who recognises the advances in personal development that I have done and respects this. If a guy had the same partners, he would be high-fived. Most likely for shallow sex.
I mean really, how could he know so many partners meaningfully. Women and men who have their values have high character; they are not 'beta'. This modern society is sickening. I dont know you, but I would suggest of all the possibilities behind your promiscuous attitude towards sex, one might be that you just enjoy it, and maybe your perfect mate, if that is what you seek, will be willing to enjoy other partners with you.
I'm 23 years old and single. I have never been in a serious or long term relationship or should I say I have never had a boyfriend. The longest I've been with someone must have been a month and a half. I call myself a serial kisser as I make out with a different guy every time I go clubbing. I have had three one night stands so far. I feel that this is not normal behaviour, however I'm so unpredictable. I think that I am highly likely to do it again. So do you think that I am promiscuous?
I am not biopolar, but was diagnosed with depression last here. I don't think or feel that I am depressed. Please tell me what you think based on what I have told you. As a so called "beta" male tall, thin, well educated, consider myself handsome and well dressed yet compassionate and considerate of people's emotions and feelings and looking for a decent relationship in a very strange, very disconcerting culture; I typically don't consider myself an alpha because I don't consider myself a manipulative asshole , I would say I do not consider your history to be terribly "promiscuous" at all.
If a male or a fellow male I have similarities with that is, most of my close friends were to know your history the way you described it, assuming you are telling the truth and not hiding numbers - there is an unfortunate joke circulating to double or triple whatever number is given publicly from an American woman these days - it sounds like you are waiting to meet the right guy or maybe just not ready to start dating, which is completely understandable and commendable.
Don't feel pressured whether by neo-feminists or the media to do anything sooner or later than you feel is right.
Sexual promiscuity really is gross and I believe men and women who don't have serious issues will always believe this. I think the one night stands and the making out are pretty minor and sometimes mistakes happen, it seems totally human to me.
You saying that it seems like something you don't necessarily feel good about is also human. As a humanist, I think you are really someone most guys would respect simply because we all do things we are not proud of but it is completely commendable to want to change or learn more about why we are engaging in such behaviors. I think most women would like healthy relationships and value traditional dating, so I tend to try to separate reality from internet articles or blowing up small phenomena to moral panics.
Really depressing to consider. So yeah, if a guy found out his future gf or wife slept with a huge amount of men, it very well could be a deal breaker. I am just stating what's going on among American men these days, this mindset and fear is very prevalent among men seeking a meaningful relationship in today's society. Sexual promiscuity will never garner respect from men except perhaps politically correct professors , sorry.
Feminism does not mean elevation of one sex over another or gender wars, and a woman who sleeps with guys will still be seen as a "slut" in the eyes of men, you will never change that. Feminism telling women that if guys can sleep around then so should women is hilarious because it actually just plays into the hands of what chauvinist men prefer. Think about how the women seeking many sexual partners typically are going after guys who are also having a lot of sexual partners alpha males who love to demean and objectify women.
Remember that women were given a gift and if they share it all over town, the value of that gift decreases dramatically. You will hear this same mindset over and over from men who are not willing to see society go into the trash simply because of extremist beliefs trying to shift society into an unfortunate direction. Sorry, got a bit side tracked, but I think you are fine and maybe should consider non-clubbing activities if you are afraid of poor decisions while partying Also, maybe you can meet a nice guy that way: End note, this response was probably poorly written as I am typing more in a "man on the street" vernacular, so try to focus on the content versus the syntax: You insult yourself when you call yourself a 'beta male'.
Men being labeled such words is a travesty. Indeed, society is currently washed in a disgusting, filthy excessive film of the blackest grime I would like to discuss this. I would not consider myself a vapid slut or someone who values looks primarily, this is the stereo type associated with this number of sexual partners. I actively have not slept with more alpha males, most guys have most definitely been betas.
I had a long term relationship for 4 and half years and then I left that and went into one with a controlling narcissist for 18 months, it has taken me until now to get over this man. I have been in therapy and suffered depression. The reason I slept around during the last 4 years is a mixture 1 I was trying to forget the abusive ex. I did go through a period of drinking heavily. I felt like the utter lowest of the low and if you think of the stereo type slut then I am far from it.
I have been used by other men and I've 'used' them all be it not intentionally. I have not gone around with this mentality, I have been trying to feel loved. The wrong way about it, but thats the truth. I think that my future husband will need to respect my admission of my truth, because I will have to respect his.
I obviously need someone whose been some crap like me and can empathise. I have wanted a relationship for a long time and I've been dating but nothing has worked out.
People do make mistakes when young, and they grow up and change. Promiscuity is a derogatory word used to describe the attitude of the people involved to view sexual human relationship as cheap and superficial. Real promiscuity, when someone is a serial that sleeps with anybody, treating sex as some sort of sport and devaluing human relationships, does sound as abnormal to me. I do not appriciate such quality in either men or women, there is a certain selfishness, superficiality, and disloyalty that surfices in other aspects of these people's life, that bothers me.
It's not the mere fact of sleeping with people that bothers me, it's the way these people view sex that i find disturbing. It is a narcissistic attitude and I am sorry but i do not appreciate it. But if you live your life searching for the greatest number of people you seduce, then I am sorry there's something wrong with you.
Some people are promiscuous because they have low self esteem and use sex to gain some "love" and that is bad for them because it leaves them even more unsatisfied. Excess can never be good, it can be a red flag something is wrong! And to be honest would you be comfy marrying someone who has a hystory of cheating and lying?
For a lengthy study of nymphomania and one nymphomaniac in particular, check out: Sexuality - as an innate product of nature, together with the influence of nurture - is not a polarity. To suggest that female sexuality differs distinctly from that of males is to fail to recognise the spectrum of behaviours found across both genders and throughout many orientations, preferences and inhibitions.
Some men behave in ways, and report feelings, stereotypically associated with women. The same applies in women, some of whom behave as men are thought, under social conventions, to be expected to behave. They are shamed as sluts for their 'unladylike' behaviour. If one asserts that morality is a measure of the extent to which an individual damages or ameliorates the lives of others or themselves, then merely to have intercourse with multiple partners is not, per se, moral or immoral. The consequences of promiscuity and the motivation for the behaviour are germane both to clinical and moral arguments, however promiscuity itself may be both positively motivated and have positive outcomes.
It is increasingly becoming argued that patriarchal societies in the developed world face the end of male dominance and the rise of women into positions of power and influence formerly exclusively the purview of men. Socially this may eventually lead to the dissolution of the 'dual' standards applied to moral judgements concerning the sexual behaviour of the genders, and result in no distinction between men and women.
But it will remain morally 'wrong' to harm others or oneself, regardless of gender. The issue is not promiscuity, but the specific motivation and consequences of the behaviour. Regardless of gender, promiscuous behaviour may be viewed as socially acceptable where it is well motivated and causes no damage to those involved. What is "morally wrong" and what "harms others" changes with the economy. I think we are seeing attitudes towards sex these days which reflect commercially exploitative attitudes.
So much for Engel's vision. My god, it this ever a long-winded article. I gave up two thirds through after getting no closer to an answer than I was at the the outset. If your main thesis requires great reams of introductory text, and cannot stand on its own accord, then I do have to wonder about its real merits. What Makes a young girl or woman promiscuous is trauma or abuse in childhood.
For example death of a parent or sib- ling, or sexual abuse, or neglect and abandonment in early childhood. That is also true for males boys. Guiggen- Heim for example lost her father early in her childhood. That is definitely a factor in her early childhood development.
It may not be just one tramatic event , but maybe a combination of tramatic events. I think destuctive behavior always form in early chilhood development!! Many men like us that are still single would be very happy to meet a good woman to Accept us for who we really are which many of us Can be very committed to only One Woman. But unfortunately with so many women sleeping around with so many different men all the time which it will be very difficult for them to commit to Only One Man anyway.
Most women nowadays just like to party all the time, get wasted, and will continue to sleep around since this is their Lifestyle today unfortunately.
Thank you for a thoughtful exploration in the article. Sex is a topic that seems to bring out our inner baggage, and frequently it's expressed in terms of judging the actions or inaction of others. I've discovered a test for all activity that we might wish to judge, in ourselves or others. In my opinion in the absence of a victim morality and health are purely subjective concepts. I look forward to a world where the sex lives of others are no longer of interest. When someone goes for "therapy" today, what are they really getting?
Banning assault weapons makes sense, but mass murders are about mental health. Back Find a Therapist. Lessons You Won't Learn In School Here are 10 skills that will clarify your visions and bring you closer to your life goals. Why Do We Flirt by Text? Are You a Beautiful Questioner? The Call of the Unknown. What Motivates Sexual Promiscuity? Submitted by Kelly Cash on November 17, - 7: A sensational exchange Submitted by Cynthia on November 17, - Suggesting that Peggy Guggenheim was a "sex addict" is an enormous disservice.
Contagious sexual pathology honored? Submitted by Alan G Gervasi on May 31, - 6: Reply to comments Submitted by Stephen A. Your writing is to psychology what Mozart is to music! Submitted by Kelly Cash on November 19, - 9: Tom Lehrer - The Masochism Tango http: A satire on "mimetic contagion" aka "hysteria.
I Got It From Agnes rare video recording http: Tom Lehrer- Send The Marines http: Article focus's on a female Submitted by Anonymous on February 14, - 1: It isn't comparable Submitted by anonymous on July 31, - She may feel was a Submitted by Anonymous on November 19, - There's a lot more deepness Submitted by anonymous on July 31, - Let's see, do we have a right to have our own preferences?
Submitted by Janie Lee, M. Beautiful Submitted by A personality researcher on December 9, - 1: Submitted by Anonymous on December 11, - 1: Stop trying to threaten me, you are way off base Submitted by Janie Lee on February 18, - 3: Some nice bits to add to my research Submitted by Natty on August 7, - Preference for frequent sexual contacts is not necessarily the same as being sexually indiscriminating' This sums up my own self interest and opinion of my own experience.
If you want to know the Submitted by Anonymous on September 10, - 1: Hmmm I think your comments Submitted by Fluffy on October 22, - 9: I think you need to define promiscuous in order to get useful responses.
People define that term differently and I would guess you'll find a spectrum of opinions on this topic. Virgins are the worst! I can't give you specific criteria where I would say that a women had been with "too many people" or done "too many kinky" things.
It's really a case by case basis for me. Experienced girls are the best in bed. Very desirable for one night. Or maybe a week. But not exactly wife material. A decent metaphor, I think: No one would mind renting a used sports car for a day, but if you want something to bring home and park in the garage you tend to buy a new model. Because men feel threatened by a woman who owns her sexuality. It does not bother me. She is an adult, and had an adult life before she met me. I understand the emotions around this - men do not like the idea of sharing a mate, even if it was in the past.
Our sexual programming is very intuitive and reflexive, whereas our sexual mores are convoluted and not necessarily rational. They also vary widely from region to region. In much of Europe and Asia, a partner's past is just that - the past. Many partners creates an immune response for multiple reasons even if the partners have no STD's. This immune response can actually increase risks like cervical and ovarian cancers later in life and can make it more difficult to conceive.
Each additional partner only increases this problem. Whats more the immune response can effect everything about a woman including her youthfulness and attractiveness.
More promiscuous women are likely to give subtle clues to males and therefore attract lower quality mates and increase the likelihood of infidelity by both themselves or from their mates further decreasing relationship stability needed to raise stable children.
Whats worse, DNA is also likely triggered by these activities in the body and from behavior, switching genes on and off and having unknown repercussions in future generations. Basically sluts are bad for themselves and humanity. They aren't undesirable to me.
And they really shouldn't be to most people, though people can desire whatever the hell they want, really. To me if someone is out having sex and enjoying themselves, that is great.
They know who they are and know what they want. As others said, there is a chance they are out having lots of sex because they are hoping to please others.
If that is the case, less desirable. But if they know what they want and make it happen, super desirable. Fine, then come up with a better one. The double-standard is nauseating, as most men wear it as a badge of honor if they've dropped the hammer on multiple women. I'm a dude, I like sex, and I like variety. Why shouldn't women be able to have the same drives without tarnishing their reputation? As long as no commitments or vows are being broken, what's the difference?
Frankly, the world would be a better place if more women thought like men. Knowing that dozens of male sex organs have passed through the same slimy tunnel that you are contemplating putting yours into could be kinda a turnoff, I suppose... 17 Nov The latter, in women, indicates a possible compulsive, and therefore, it comes to female sexuality: It's fine for men to be sexually promiscuous. Or was it a symbolic seeking after some other aspect of Eros: the love of men. 4 Jun Women want sex, and in particular, they want sex with people who female rats' clitorises (which apparently look like little eraser heads) For example, women who initiate dates are viewed by men as more promiscuous. Some men have an inordinate interest in their girl-friend's previous sexual relationships, but most do not. Those who do are likely to feel insecure, and jealous. Thank you for a thoughtful exploration in the article. I would like to see similer studies in relation to crime. The very important question you raise is: Women are the real winners today. In fact, most of the time I hear of someone being promiscuous, it is the woman herself who describes her behavior to me that way.