For plus types unwilling to walk — possibly re walk — the path that leads to romance, rings and relocation, the prospect of a " friend with benefits " is looking less and less like a millennial indulgence.
After all, it gets awfully lonely waiting around for "the one. Many older divorced or widowed men and women are in the same boat. They feel protective of their privacy and peace of mind, but they haven't become eunuchs or hermits. Every now and then, a familiar craving surfaces. You're probably not desperate enough to stalk your neighbors, or to go looking for friends with benefits in all the wrong places bars come to mind. But offered a chance to reconnect with someone from your past — dinner with your high school steady, for example — you might just surprise yourself by winding up in bed.
The next morning or even that night come the recriminations: Was it wrong to give that person the sexual green light when you had no intention of rekindling the emotional side of the relationship?
Marilyn, a year-old single colleague of mine, recently reconnected with someone she had worked with many years ago. A few weeks later, she joined him for " a wonderful weekend " in his home state.
I'm in like with him — and that's exactly where I want to be. Marilyn's casual approach to maintaining a friendship with benefits typifies the mindset of older folks who have reconciled themselves to having "great fun" even if it's "just one of those things. In The Normal Bar, a book I wrote last year with Chrisanna Northrup and James Witte, we reported that 61 percent of female survey respondents who had partners fantasized about someone they had met.
For men, the figure was 90 percent. And should they be propositioned by someone they found attractive, 48 percent of the women and 69 percent of the men said they would be tempted to have sex outside the relationship. Indeed, many surrendered to that lure in actuality: It found that 6 percent to 8 percent of singles age 50 and up were dating more than one person at a time.
The same study revealed 11 percent of survey respondents were in a sexual relationship that did not involve cohabitation. Can a casual sexual relationship exact an emotional toll? For sure, people who associate intimacy with commitment are ill-suited to sex that's as meaningful as a summer breeze; for them, the FWB arrangement would be a bad idea.
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